Before listening to a record for the first time, you must get an instrument and play it for about an hour, ensuring to get any musical ideas that you might foster out, allowing you to listen to and truly absorb the aforementioned record the way the artist had intended; uninterrupted by your own ideas.

If you do not play an instrument, learn one.
If you refuse to learn one, hum.
If you are listening to a record that encourages you to have your own ideas, like “Jazz”, turn it off immidiately.
If you cannot come with any musical ideas of your own, then you may as well not listen to the record at all, as you probably won’t get it.

I got a new record today. I haven’t listened to a record in a while.

It’s called Los Terrificos – Go South/Vaya Pa’l Sur. Or maybe it’s called Peace & Rhythm. No, wait. That’s the label. Los Terrificos is the band. That’s terrific.

I don’t know. But I do know that Jake Fader, a very nice young man and a powerhouse musician-type (he is okay at soccor too) is responsible for this so it’s probably going to be very good. I sat down and got some of my own song ideas out. They were drab and predictable. Some of my finest work. Then I opened the record. There are two of them. Well, that’s nice. And unloaded a stack of books that got piled the record player machine. Man, I haven’t used it in forever. How come? Opened the record. It’s really shiny and photos won’t do it justice but the leopard-hipster military jacket illustrated-Jake has on is fantastic. There’s also a monkey.

I start reading the insert. At first there’s a whole side of it in a language I don’t understand. I keep reading. I still don’t understand. Maybe if I keep reading this for 10,000 hours, I’ll master whatever language it’s in? The other side is in English, and it’s about El Gordo, a gangsta who goes on a vision quest to get thinner, find enlightenment and I’m guessing atone for his evil, druglord kingpin ways? I really hope there’s some Battlestar Galactica in this. But enough reading. I want to listen to this thing. Brought the nice speakers in from the living room. Alright. This is gonna be so much fun! Dude, how come I don’t listen to records more often?!

Hah. The record isn’t spinning. Everything is plugged in. OH SHIT THAT’S RIGHT THE BELT’S BROKEN AND THAT’S WHY I HAVEN’T BEEN LISTENING TO RECORDS!


Okay, there’s probably a download code. Not the same, but I’m already pumped for this.

No download code.


So I’m listening to Mifune on Spotify instead while I’m trying to fix the belt. That’s why I don’t listen to records anymore.

But I’m wracked with anticipation. #TeamElGordo